Jasons
When I was 20 I went over to the house where my best friend Jordan grew up and met a little punk named Jason. He was only on the cusp of entering high school but he already had a well-aged and matured sense of snark. I mean, this kid was an ass.
Luckily for me I survived what I thought was some kid not thinking very highly of me and realized it was just his sense of humor. A sense of humor I realized worked well with mine. I pick on Jordan because I got him married but just so everyone knows, he repaid me, he gave me the little brother I never had. You want to watch out when we set our sights on you, you're going down. Here are some things that have not escaped our analysis:
- The public address staff at Fulton speedway
- Grey's Anatomy
- AJ Allmendinger
- Cooper dining hall
- Jordan
- Jokes
I may be the only one who finds us funny but I have spent a lot of time trying to bring our product to everyone else. I made sure Jason was a part of Better Late Than Never to get some of our back and forth riffing on tape and I invited him to be a blogger on my own blog... to make me seem more productive.
Well, besides getting an opportunity to talk about my other great friend, I'm also letting you know that he's got his own blog now, and I owe him a link.
Refreshed
Today, I decided I would go to the bank to do things that people do at banks, minus that whole robbing scene, I don't go for that sort of thing. It was freezing out, and extremely windy in Oswego today. I didn't care, this is what Oswego is always like. I went to my car, which, to my delight, started right up. I was amazed. I got to the main entrance to leave the college and I had to wait at a red light. My car then started to make sounds, those sounds you never want to hear your car make, like it was about to spit up a lung or something. The light turned green and I decided to ignore the sounds and continue with my journey. My car stalled (surprise surprise) and I was barely able to get out of the middle of the intersection.
So there I sat, my car freezing over, not starting. So, like anyone who likes to pretend they know what's wrong with their car, I got out and looked under the hood. From what I could tell, everything seemed to be fine. There was no sign of things on fire, and nothing looked like it needed to be stuck back together with gum. I tried to start my car again, but no dice. I called UP and waited for them to show up to help me get my car started.
As I stood outside with the car hood up, waiting for UP, I encountered about 15 good samaritans looking to help a fellow human in need, all in about five minutes. All of these kind people stopped and rolled down their windows, mind you on one of the coldest days we've had up here in a while, and asked me if I needed help, or if I had help coming. I was amazed at the kindness generated towards me by all of these strangers. Now, this was a busy intersection, but none of them had to stop, none of them had to say anything to me. They did, and I was grateful. As I stood there, I wondered if I would be a person who would stop. Would I be a good samaritan? I like to think that I would be, but I don't think I would. Maybe when the next opportunity presents itself, my time will come.
I waited for a bit, and tried to start my car and it started, and kept running. I informed UP when they got there that I was fine and thanked them for their concern. I drove away with a smile despite the fact that my car is generally a wimp and can't handle a little cold weather.
What if A-Rod were on the Pirates?
On Monday, the truth came out that Alex Rodriguez used steroids while on the Texas Rangers from 2001-2003. A-Rod said he was young, stupid, and naive, and if 26 is young in baseball, then I guess he was telling the truth. However, he also said that the pressure of his huge contract with Texas made him cry every night, crave peanut butter an ice cream, and a little fairy visited him in his dreams and told him to strengthen up unnaturally. Well, I guess he didn't actually say that, and I suppose that stuff never actually happened.
This made me think though, what if A-Rod were on the Pirates? The Pirates, really the laughing stock of the MLB for a lot of years now (and also my favorite team), have low appeal, a small market, and not that much pressure to perform on the players. If he got a contract with the Pirates in 2001, the pressure wouldn't have built up, and A-Rod would now be a squeaky clean baseball god whom everyone would love. I would assume that out of the 103 players on the steroid list with A-Rod, there are not many, if any Pirates players. I only say this because the Pirates are not good, and most of the time their players don't play very well, and well, steroids are supposed to enhance performance, therefore leading me to the conclusion that Pirates players have never even heard of steroids.
But anyway, I guess this relegates A-Rod to the league of super-steroid-star misfits, including guys named Sosa, McGwire, Clemens, and well, some guy named Bonds. It's a shame, I like baseball, it's a great game, but now it's kind of the norm, so I guess I shall just deal. People get all hot and bothered about Michael Phelps and his bong filled with Mary Jane, but until and if the day comes when he tells all of us that he used steroids to get his medals, which I hope he never will have to do, I will respect him. A-Rod, boy oh boy you've gone and done it. Let's see how many home runs he hits in his career starting this season, and maybe one day he will be respected, and be considered great once again
The New Justice League
I was conversing with Jenna (sister-in-law and my personal chef) online the other night, mostly about nothing, but our conversation revealed to me a funny idea. I asked how she was and how Murph was, but for some reason, I referred to Jordan as "Beard". Anyone who knows Jordan really wouldn't think this to be strange, but throughout the conversation, me and Jenna continued to refer to Jordan as "Beard". So Jenna asked me what my name would be, and I just threw out the name "Stubble". This triggered Jenna to say Beard and Stubble could be a new comic book. I didn't want to be a sidekick, but this put a thought in my mind, about a new justice league made up of five new super-heroes. Jenna started timing me to think of the people in the justice league, and their powers. It was stressful, and we're not friends anymore, but I did come up with a solid 5 characters who will make up the new justice league. Here they are...
Jordan - Alias: Beard. Beard has the ability to manipulate the weather. He can create and control massive storms.
Heath - Alias: Peach-fuzz. Peach-fuzz has an indestructable body. He feels no pain and cannot be destroyed. (Heath: Peach-fuzz!? Are you just trying to see what you can get away with on my blog?)
Andy - Alias: Mutton-chops. Mutton-chops has the ability to manipulate gravity. He can levitate objects and move them where he likes.
Jason - Alias: Stubble. Stubble has a temporal duplication ability. He is able to bring past and future versions of himself to the present.
Murph - Alias: Dr. Whiskers. Doc Whisk is a time traveler. He can go back and forward in time.
Ponder This – Issue 2.0
November Birthdays: How many people can be born in one month in one family for goodness sake? So far in my family, on my Dad's side, there are 5 November birthdays. This includes Grandpa Ernie, born on the 23rd, my uncle Dan, also born on the 23rd, my brother, born on the 24th, and my dad, born on the 26th.
Relax, I know that's only four birthdays. I'm not great at it, but I do know some arithmetic (once it gets over six though, I'm up the creek). The fifth and final member of this illustrious group is my new second cousin Keira Adelle Riley, who was born this morning (the 19th) at 5:35 a.m.
She is a healthy 7 pound 8 ounce Wisconsin baby. I hope she's not lactose intolerant. But seriously, she makes five November birthdays, and this doesn't include my cousin Evan (Keira's father,) who just missed out on the November party by being born on December 4th. These are just the birthdays I know about. There could be wedlock babies out there with November birthdays, or twins separated at birth, who knows? It is beginning to appear February is a busy and important month in our family. (Heath: By saying "busy and important" I'm sure Jason is merely talking about his own birthday, which is celebrated around the world on February 2nd.)
The first four November babies are delightful people, and I'm sure Keira will be no different, and will be a pleasure to get to know, but this is just starting to become creepy!
Heath’s Twitter
- Sports are stupid. They make me mad. And that's stupid. 4 hours ago
- Aaaaah, who am I? This is not what I do!! http://t.co/1G1wt9Rp 2 days ago
- Watching NOVA always reminds me of my dad. Half of what I know in this world was learned Tuesday nights at 9. 4 days ago
