The Hēathernet Why should the professionals get to do all the talking?

Incoherent rambling

I got my letter. I'm accepted to the Masters in Education program for the Winter 2011 Trimester at the University of New Haven.

My studies, should I choose to begin them, are right around the corner. I have an introductory orientation class in December starting the night of the 7th where I'll have to commute to New Haven four nights a week. That puts a timer on how long I have left to learn how to drive Michelle's car. Yeah, I really should know how to drive stick by now anyways.

So the question is: Am I going?

Well, yeah. It's the better option. It's only a year and on the other side is a better life with a better career.

The next question: Am I excited? Looking forward to an education and career in education?

No.

Despite this apathy I can still feel another feeling and one that is far stronger. The sand is really starting to come out of the hourglass now. I turn 30 a year from now. It's probably time to have a career.

Sometimes I'm still pretty confident that the feeling is just me falling for a social convention. Money and insurance are powerful forces, they kind of make it easy to fall.

I think the conclusion is that inside most of us there are two selves. There is one self that wants a dog, and a backyard, and a separate television for watching baseball (ahem), and all the perks that come with growing up and making money. The other self, which is the self that has always gotten to come first before, is the one that wants to make no sacrifices for adult life. I think this other self gets accused a lot of being immature and unintelligent but I tend to think no such thing. Especially in creative types I think it is this self that drives us to be the amazing species that we are. I demand adventure because I'm inquisitive. I'm indecisive because I'm all-inclusive.

This is what happens when you make the Camp Fowler motto I've never done it that way before a manifesto.

Alright, here's what I know. Ever since I was 16 I have met amazing folks who have become my closest friends and fellow visionaries. If we could all be promised we could do anything we want, so long as: we made the world a better place, music and art surrounded us, we shared the work, lived in tight community, made time for reflection, and-most importantly-need not worry about putting the needs of the adult self before the value of the ever changing selves within our community; we would flock to that experience and live out our lives, filled to the frothy brim, not necessarily with happiness, but with a soul deep contentment and purpose.

I don't know how people live any other way.